Pain + Grief: It's Complicated

She was there for my first breath. I was there for her last. And for however end of life moments can go, this one was filled with love. My brother and I held her hand. Tears streamed down her face for the last hour. My stepmom even stroked her hair. We gently said she could let go and that we loved her, and then she took her last labored breath. It seemed like forever before the final exhale came. 

We wept tears of sadness. Our relationship with our mother had been complicated to say the least. But we let her know that she was loved right up until the end. I wish I could report that in the days after, we would find the same. But instead, we found a letter and journals and several other signs of bitterness and angst directed towards my brother and I. Spreadsheets documenting all that she had done for us. Even in death, she still was the spiteful angry mother we saw at times. Not the face that she presented to the world of course, she was a master of disguise. An expert at putting on a mask for the show.

If you were a friend to her, you knew her to be the life of the party. She heaped gifts and love upon her friends. Even strangers. She spent money like it was water and used it as a way to buy favor and attention. She even spoke highly of us and when she was angry, she rarely let people see that side. Instead, she had a wonderful way of drawing the listener in and making them judgemental of the person who had done her wrong. 

As a child, I thought she hung the moon. I remember smelling her skin while she would hug me from behind. I remember her laughing and dancing often. But I started to see things as I aged. First, it was the rage and anger she expressed to my father about the inequities of her own parents choosing her brother over her. It carried over into how she treated my brother and I — even babysitters noticing that mom let my brother get away with murder. There were years of sharing birthdays with him because she didn’t believe it was fair that he had a birthday so close to Christmas nor could she bare to give me a gift without giving him one too. Things had to be fair. 

I honestly didn’t mind. I adored my brother and my parents too. I strode to make them proud. I silently did what I was asked and feared the repercussions when I failed. Especially from my mother, who could flip on a switch. 

I think I knew something was wrong with her mentally in my teens. My cousin had come for a visit with his friend. While he was out, she went on a tirade about the mess and about how she felt used. Once he arrived home, he was greeted with a different person. I remember emptying the dishwasher while she was on the phone with friends, only to get off the phone and rant about how awful this person was and how much of a liar they were. As I developed adult relationships, I started to see that something was off with my mother. 

By the time I was in college, the pressure to be perfect became too great. I was a self-described stress puppy and my mother threatened to expose my imperfections whenever I failed. And then, I decided, I would be an open book. I wouldn’t hide any more, my thoughts, my feelings, my beliefs from the world. It happened when I had burped in the kitchen. She threatened to open the door and report it to the boys playing basketball in my front yard. So I opened the door, “Hey Paul!” I shouted, “I burp, fart, spit and curse.” “Cool,” he responded. It was the first step I took to pushing back. 

Even still the need to be perfect in her eyes and my father’s was strong. After a particularly long day, my mother lit into me about not cleaning the kitchen. I was exhausted from exams, projects, extra curriculars and volunteering my time with special needs kids. Her face red with anger, her eyes big, she pointed her finger in my face and belittled me until I was reduced to a shaking mess. I remember retreating to my room, hiding in the darkness of my closet and sobbing. I don’t remember how I found a plastic fork, but when my father found me, I was rocking back and forth and scratching my wrists with the fork.

My mother took me to our family doctor after that incident and Dr. G had said that I was overly stressed and sleep deprived. Then he excused my mom from the room and talked to me. His final advice “you need to leave the house for your mental health.”

It would be another two years before that would happen. Years of therapy later, I would come to understand my mom’s borderline personality disorder. Her symptoms progressed the year my grandmother died.

At the urging of my own therapists, I created healthy boundaries, that I often dissolved because I so craved a mother-daughter relationship. Being a child of a BPD was isolating. The gaslighting to this day has me doubting my own memories and stories. It wasn’t always awful. She loved to shop and spend money. She loved to do things big like TEXAS. We always joked about her extravagence. We loved her. Through it all.

Today marks the anniversary of her death. I share all of the back story because it doesn’t diminish the sadness that I feel. People loved her but she was complicated and even fewer really knew her and in that is a lot more pain.

I wrote this for healing but also because I know there are so many people out there who’s grief is only complicated by the loss of a family member with mental health issues.

I rest in the fact that I took care to love and provide her with the best crossover possible. I can only imagine in my heart that she regretted leaving us with the legacy she did, rather than letting us feel loved. As a mother myself, I know I would. I rest in that.

7 Poses to Balance This Fall’s Energy

As the sun starts to set faster and fold into cooler nights, we begin to see the trees, once working hard to acquire energy from the sun, release and let go of their leaves. Autumn is definitely a time for taking in and letting go.

So too is our internal nature. We may find ourselves appreciating our hard efforts and passionate pursuits, even enjoying the fruits of our labor, as we move towards more of a harvesting time of year.Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) is an ancient practice that supports health and wellness, and believes in harmony between the opposing complementary forces of yin and yang. TCM also believes that the human body is a microcosm of the expansive universe around us. The five elements that appear in nature (fire, earth, wood, metal and water) also appear within us and represent all manners of life and explain the function of the body and how it changes during dis-ease. In TCM, disease is a result of a imbalance between yin and yang, and fluctuation of energy within the five elements. This vital energy that flows through the body is known as qi (CHI) and performs multiple functions in the body and helps maintain health.
Each season corresponds with an element, just as we have different seasons in our own lives. This time of year is defined by the metal element and the meridians of lung and large intestine. This is a time to literally draw in a breath of fresh air — called “grasping the qi of the heavens” — and find inspiration in our daily living, create healthy boundaries and firm schedules for meet our need for routine and ritual.
When the energy movement through the meridians of the lung and large intestine is imbalanced, we might be especially rigid or stuck to a particular way of doing things. We might be socially cut off or extremely judgmental of others and their decisions. And you might be seen as a perfectionist or a rather dogmatic individual. Of course, there is the extreme imbalance — where one is sloppy with their work and places very little value in their work. We might find ourselves sick often, struggling with upper respiratory issues, allergies and just an overall poor immune system.
Here are seven ways to improve the energy in your metal element using yoga asana and other practices:
1. Breath work: Laying on your back, place your right hand on your belly and your left hand on your chest. Breathe into your belly, feeling the right hand rise and then spilling over into the left hand. Exhale from the left hand and then the right hand at the belly. If you are used to another way, do what feels comfortable and be consistent. Breathe for 2-4 minutes.
2. Supine pec roll: using a yoga blanket, roll your blanket long ways and then lay over the blanket, matching your spine over the yoga blanket. You can use a second blanket at the neck to support your cervical spine. Allow your arms to open out to cactus arms even over head holding your elbows. Relax for 5 minutes.
3. Cat pulling it’s tail: Lay on your right side. Scissor your legs with your left leg forward and your right leg back. Sweep open your left arm and reach back and grab your bent right leg around the ankle. If available, grab your left foot with your right hand. Slowly lower your left shoulder to the mat. Hold for 2-4 minutes. Switch side.
4. Reverse tabletop: Sitting upright, place your hands behind you and plant your feet hip distance apart, knees bent. Push through the hands and puff the chest, bringing the shoulder blades onto the back. Gently lift the hips into the letter “M” or higher into a reverse tabletop. Hold for 5-7 breaths.
5. Supine gomukhasana arms: Lying on your back, take your right hand behind your head, holding the nape of the neck or even placing your hand palm up between the shoulder blades. Roll to your right, tucking the left arm behind you at the lower back or as high as the shoulder blades, palm facing down. Feel free to bind if it is comfortable. Roll back to your back and relax over your hands. Relax for 2 minutes. Repeat on the other side.
6. Contemplate something bigger than yourself: Get outside and seek inspiration from the natural world. Balance your daily routine of the mundane with some moments of walking in nature appreciating the bigger picture.
7. R-E-S-P-E-C-T: Respect YOURSELF! Let go of your imperfections, let go of the things that no longer serve you, and focus on a life without regrets or complaints. This will require working to accept fear and vulnerability. Be bold, be brave! People with integrity live with curiosity and courage over comfort and complacency. Create a mantra or positive affirmation and practice reading it in the mirror daily.
These are just a few steps to help you balance your qi this fall, to see your own fantastic value, and to encourage you to hold on to the things you need and let go of the rest.

Yin Poses for Marathoners

“It hurts right here,” Tracy said pointing to her calf. “And, I’m sure I have plantar fasciitis,” she added.

As a former USAT coach, I am used to my athlete’s self-diagnosis. I listen to her symptoms which are consistent with overuse.

When I ask if she had been doing yoga and myofascial release work, a sheepish smile comes over her face. The answer is clear. Time-crunched athletes training for distance races often toss the stretching, opting for a quick foam rolling session over time on the mat.

A quick visit with her doctor confirms what we suspected. With three weeks until the race, she’s instructed to stay off her feet. This is not an ideal diagnosis.

Because of the nature of the activity, distance runners can experience injuries like knee pain, plantar fasciitis, achilles tendonitis and IT band syndrome. Many of these ailments can be avoided with targeted plan like yin yoga.

Yin is a mostly floor-bound practice with long holds near edge of the athlete’s ability. The purpose of yin is to stretch tight connective tissue.

By applying a gentle stress in a posture for up to 6 minutes, athletes will increase elasticity, circulation and increase overall tissue strength and resiliency. This stress on fibers stimulates the reorganization of collagen, cross links and elastin.

I like to combine yin with myofascial release. Both encourage the body to remodel tissues and help restore range of motion. Adhesions in the fascia will begin to separate and allow for enhanced tissue hydration and circulation.

Here are some of my favorites yin poses to help you make it to the starting line in optimal condition. Add these postures to your program to target some of those well known pesky and sometimes sidelining injuries before they start.

NOTE: I advise you hold these postures at 50-70% of full capacity. Allow the muscles to fully relax and be still in the poses. Practice slow, full breathing and use props for comfort whenever. If you have pain, back out. Windshield wipe the knees side to side several times after each pose.

1. Kneeling or virasana. Options: 1] Sit on your heels. 2] Toes turned under 3] Lean back 4] Lay back on your elbows or if possible take it to the ground with one knee drawn in. Options include sitting on the heels, leaning back and turning your toes under. Modify by using a blanket behind the knees, under the ankles or simply coming forward. Hold for 1-2 minutes (less for toes turned under).

2. Low lunge or dragon. Step one foot forward in this deep hip and groin opener. Drop back knee to the ground behind the hip. Options: 1] lunge 2] lunge with knee open beginning to twist 3] reach back to the baton and take a hold of your ankle if available. Hold one pose for 3-5 minutes and all poses 1-2 minutes each.

3. Squat or malasana. Cop a squat to open the hips, build ankle strength and release the low back. Sit on a block or raise your heels on a blanket for comfort and endurance. Hold for 2-3 minutes. Shake the legs out when done.

4. Half butterfly or janu sirasana. Draw one foot in toward the groin. Lengthen through the spine, looking out over the extended leg. Tilt the pelvis slightly forward and hinge forward, rounding the spine if it feels good. Hold for 3-5 minutes and then switch legs.

5. Shoelace or gomukhasana. Sit on a blanket for lift and cross legs. Lengthen through the spine, tilt the pelvis forward, and hinge forward. Hold for 3-5 minutes and then switch sides.

6. Deer. Stagger your legs to the left. Sit tall and twist to the right, lowering down only if comfortable. If you have knee pain, adjust the legs or simply back out. Hold for 2-5 minutes before switching sides.

7. Double wHAMMIEs. Kneel and place a therapy ball behind the knee. Lean back for pressure and adjust accordingly. Work down the calf towards the heel. Avoid bone and extremely painful areas but look for areas of tension and knots.

6 Ways To a Happy, Healthy Gut

It was Hippocrates who said “let food be thy medicine and medicine thy food.” And if you subscribe to the belief that you are what you eat, that nourishment feeds the quality of tissues and thoughts, then you might also start to think about how you can support the system that breaks down the food into the nutrients necessary for life and transports it to our cells.

The digestive system is not just what we consider our gut organs like the small and large intestines, but begins at the mouth, throat, teeth, and moves into the stomach, liver, gall bladder, and the pancreas finishing in the anus and rectum.
Some times, what we eat can affect our delicate balance in the gastrointestinal (GI) tractand other times it can be environmental, even stress. Yoga and meditation can be good ways to help mitigate common issues like bloat and discomfort, and help encourage a healthy digestive system.Here are some poses you might consider to help your digestive system:

1. Mindful eating: The most important stretch I can give you is to stretch out your meal time! Sit down, and set aside enough time to eat. Place your fork down each time you take a bite. In other words, slow down. We live in a fast-paced world and often inhale while eating our food. Taking your time to chew your food (I always recommend 15-19 times) helps to begin the metabolic process and also insures that you don’t add too much air into your belly by gulping your food.

2. Legs up the wall: If you are feeling bloated or gassy, or just need time to rest and digest your food, legs up the wall is a great pose to encourage the process. Sit on the floor with one hip against the wall or close to it. Swing your legs up the wall, as you simultaneously lay back on the floor. Hang out for 2-4 minutes while focusing on taking deep belly breaths. The big belly breaths will get the diaphragm in on the massage effort by extending it deep into the stomach cavity.

3. Locust with a blanket: Stimulating and gently massaging the belly can be an effective way to encourage the digestive system. Roll up a blanket and come to lay on your belly. Place the blanket roll just above your hips and relax your whole body into the roll. Hold for 5-8 breaths and then move up the stomach 2 inches at a time until you reach your ribs.

4. Bow pose: This pose is another one that stimulates the GI tract but can be a little more intense. To keep it simple, remove the blanket roll while on your belly, reach back and grab your ankles. While holding your ankles, kick your feet back and let the movement lift your chest off the floor. You might add a rocking motion to massage the belly, if that is comfortable. You can also leave the blanket under your belly to add some gentle trigger point therapy while in this pose.

5. Seated twists: Twists help to gently squeeze organs, shunting blood away from the core and then allowing blood to return once we release from the twist. This gentle wringing movement will give you some bloat relief and also to help gently massage the GI tract. Come to a cross-legged seated position sitting tall and elongating the spine. Gently twist to one side, bringing one hand behind you and the other to rest on your knee. Breathe into the twisted
position, making every exhale a little more pronounced by drawing the belly button back to the spine. Hold for 5-6 breaths per side and repeat.

6. Happy baby: Babies are notorious for their digestive issues and gas, so it’s fitting that a pose named after them might help you feel better too! Lay on your back and draw your knees into your chest. If you can, reach up and grab the outside edge of your feet and continue to draw the knees down along side your body. If that feels accessible, start to open your knees by lifting your heels towards the ceiling. Breathe and stay for 8 breaths. Maybe even rock side to side to massage the back.

7 Moves to Improve Your Sleep

If you are struggling to fall asleep easily or to stay asleep, you are not alone. An estimated 164 million Americans also struggle.

While reasons for this restlessness can vary — anywhere from physical aches and pains, to stress and/or hormones — it is an overall and general dis-ease in the body that keeps you from getting the shut eye that you need. Research shows that the average person struggles to function on less than 7 hours.

Reducing stress, calming the body and the brain, can help you fall asleep and stay asleep through night. Here are several yoga asanas and other suggestions that might help you get the beauty sleep you deserve. And if you do wake, you can use these tips to help you fall back to sleep.

1. Focused breathing techniques

In a comfortable seated position, allow yourself to close your eyes and watch your breath. Identify the place in your body where you feel your breath the most. Perhaps you feel it best in the stomach, along the ribs, or maybe in the chest. Maybe you feel it in the throat or in the nostrils. Wherever you experience your breath, watch it and bring awareness to it. Set a timer and do this for about 2 minutes (and then using in with the remaining poses), noticing when your mind wanders and gently bringing it back to your breath each time.

Why? Meditation induces a relaxation response in the body, helping to lower your heart rate, respiratory rate, blood pressure and increasing alpha brain waves.

2. Figure 4 Pose

On your back, place your right ankle on your left knee. Wrap your hands around your left shin or thigh and pull that leg back towards your chest. Hold for 2-3 minutes and then switch sides.

Why? This is a great hip opener that also releases the low back after a long day in repetitive positions.

3. Resting Jackknife

On your back, plant your feet and bend your knees. Lift your hips and place a block under your sacrum (adjust the height to your comfort). Make sure that the block isn’t touching your spine. Lift you knees over you hips, but maintain the natural curve of your lower back and some tone to your belly. Slowly, draw a knee towards your chest, maintaining this position in your spine, while extending the opposite leg and resting it down to the ground. You may have to bend your knee to make this happen. Hold for 2-3 minutes and then switch to the other side.

Why? This is a great way to release the hip flexors. If you sit or drive most of the day, these muscles tend to shorten. Releasing them can help ease low back pain and help you sleep easier at night.

4. Sphinx

On your belly, draw your elbows under your shoulders and prop your body up. Relax your shoulders, buttocks and back. Let everything drape to the floor.

Why? Again most of us sit all day at our jobs, this pose can help open the front line of the body and also gently stimulate the adrenals, part of our endocrine system responsible for delivery of stress hormones, as well as assisting our immune system.

5. Myofascial Release

After a long day in a consistent posture, can be exhausting and dehydrating to our tissues. Using a myofascial release therapy ball roll out your low back and gluteal muscles. Start on the right side of the gluteals, working an inch from the sacrum around just below the hips to the outside edge. You can also work above the hips, from just outside the spine out towards the love handles.

Stay off bone and just move on soft tissue! Be sure you are able to comfortably maintain your deep focused breath.

Why? Rolling and compression with a therapy ball can help rehydrating the tissues, helping them reorganize and release. Bound fascia, adhesions and scar tissue can create muscular tension and referral pain. Releasing it can feel liberating!

6. Legs Up the Wall

Sitting with your left hip close to a wall or headboard, swing your legs up the wall as you lay back on the floor or bed. Hold this pose for 3-10 minutes. Allow yourself to focus on your breath once again.

Why? This is a wonderfully gentle inversion that stimulates venous return to the heart, nourishing the body on a cellular level. Think of it as reversing the affects of gravity on the body.

7. Progressive Body Scan

Lay on your back. Systematically and silently list each body part starting with your right toes (ie. right big toe, right second toe, right third toe) without moving that body part.

Continue up through the right leg, the left leg, the front body, to the shoulders, then the right fingers up the arm, the left fingers and arm, the back body, the neck, the head, and the face.

Why? Another technique that helps induce the relaxation response.

Try these before bed at night. If you wake in the middle of the night, you can use these same practices to help. However, you might want to leave the bed to practice and try to make your goal relaxation rather than pressing yourself to fall back to sleep.

Slow Living in Fast Times

Last summer, I had the opportunity to travel cross country with my family. We camped, toured, hiked, swam and laughed a ton. It was amazing time and it showed me how disconnected I had become from the things I loved. Sure, I love yoga. But it isn’t who I am to the core. I use yoga to find that.

I came back from that trip different. Ready to heal from a tumultuous year. Ready for the rebirth of something new. I couldn’t put my finger on what I was craving but it was something simpler, something slower. 

Those things were hard to carve out in our life. We returned home to a business that was still in it’s infancy of expansion. It needed our tending and care. My mom’s health had been deteriorating and I had a family and household to manage. So, I started with small and manageable things that would lead me on the path to what I was calling conscious living. 

I focused short bit of times on “leaning” into the things I loved the most. In his research in 2009, Marcus Buckingham calls it tilting. His study focused on the 40 year downward trend of women’s happiness — opposite of their male counterparts. He found women who let go of the need for perfection, leaned into the things they loved more often, let go of the idea of work-life balance, and instead stacked their favorites in their favor, were the happiest woman on Earth.

I realized that I would need a plan to get me to the place where I was stacking in my favor. And I would get there using all the tools that I had trained others with — understanding my intention in this life, minimalizing clutter and distractions, disconnecting and reconnecting, and mindfulness. 

As behavioral consultant Nicholas Bate calls heavy “M.E.D.S. = mindfulness, exercise, diet, and sleep” were going to be my healing path to creating the life I was craving.

LIFE’S INTENTION

So that fall, on a long road trip north, I wrote out my priorities. It is different and unique for each person, but for me it was family, travel, gardening and downtime/home. I wrote, rather drew it out — a beautiful creative spread with me braindumping the things that felt right and that spoke from my soul. 

At the end of the process, I identified the unifying theme that tied the list together. At the end of the day, all these things resulted in three core feelings — security, freedom and love. Identifying this gave me a sense of where to lean. I began to build my “no” muscles ever so slightly and got used to saying “yes” to the things that mattered.

What’s funny is that in the same breath Buckingham writes that woman should learn to say “yes” but here is where I somewhat disagree. Maybe he means to say more ‘YES’ to your intentions and truth. But I was saying “yes” to everyone and I rarely said “no.” Today, I take a “yes” sabbatical — checking in on my intentional barometer to see if I am still heading in the right direction with projects and people. It’s okay to say “no” and even better, take some time to answer. 

MINIMALIZING

Set on intention, I spent time all fall rifling through books to find inspiration. The ones that stood out were focused on minimalism. Wait! Before you roll your eyes, the definition of minimalism is not sterilism. It simply means getting down to the basics. So I started there. Joshua Becker and the Minimalists, Francine Jay. All these writers really resonated with me.

I’d take an hour out of my week and work one drawer at a time. I let go of the extra utensils, ridiculous amounts of office products, cables, cords, files and thinned out the stuff. I unsubscribed and unfollowed. I cancelled magazines. And a funny thing happened, I felt lighter. 

I was still balancing at this point. It wasn’t a fast acceleration to the life I wanted. It was going to take time. I had my current teaching schedule, my work load and management of our studio and staff, plus three busy kids with their commitments. I wasn’t going to drop it all but rather slowly release myself. OURSELVES. My whole family. 

Around Christmas, I found Courtney Carver of “Be More With Less” and her “Project 333” challenge to whittle your seasonal wardrobe capsule to 33 items. I was intrigued. I didn’t think I had a ridiculous closet but still the challenge seemed daunting and a little bit scary. I counted what I had —80 items to start. Words echoed in my mind “you only wear 20% of your closet.” And I took the leap.

I began with my winter wardrobe. What I didn’t see coming was how hard it was to let go of things that I termed “maybes” — to me the money had already been spent, why not save it for a day when I might need it. What I started to learn was there was a crutch in the maybe. If I wasn’t using it, I wasn’t going to. And if I needed a replacement, research shows it would only cost less to replace than to hold on to it.  I was doing this EVERYWHERE. Not just in my closet. In my drawers. In my friendships. In my work. I wasn’t willing to drop the stuff that was zapping energy from me, just in case. But back to the clothes…

I decided to meet myself halfway. I moved the “maybes” into a separate room. If I went back for them within the month, they were to be reconsidered. If I could live without them, they would move on to donation, or to sell on Poshmark or ThredUP. 

The first early morning of my new closet, I walked in to get dressed and I couldn’t not believe the relief that I felt. It was something I couldn’t have expected. My closet wasn’t terrible before, but my after closet made me feel lighter.  No wonder Steve Jobs and Einstein wore the same thing day in and day out. It was so easy to let go of this ONE choice and keep it simple.

One of my favorite students always said “Spaghetti in. Spaghetti out.” Meaning, the chaos that you surround yourself in becomes the chaos in your mind. Organization is helpful and a huge part of slow and conscious living, but rigidity is not. Everything has a place in our home. We are still letting go of things and evaluating every day, what we need or don’t need. It just helps us focus what’s most important. 

DISCONNECTING

On that same fall road trip north, we listened to a life changing podcast with Wil.I.Am. In it he talked about how as a society, we are inundated by messages, emails, communication, visuals and it leads to our disconnection with our God-given technology —our intuition. 

It got me thinking. Our bodies on a cellular level detest space. In fact, if there is space, it will be filled. So what if those cells were also having a dialogue with our brain. What if that message was pervading our mental state. “FILL IT UP,” the voice says. “Leave no space.”

Don’t we all find at some point that we feel this way? I mentioned that I had started to declutter my mailbox and inbox. But I also started creating boundaries. I put an away message on my email and started only answering emails on certain days. I restricted my in-studio appointment days. In January, I took the whole month off social media in what I call my “airplane mode” so that I could continue to lean into the things that were calling me. 

And now. I actually have days now where I turn off my phone. Well, entire mornings. And I have left it at home when I go out — especially when I know that one of us has a phone for emergencies.

This created so much space — for creativity, for connectivity and for leaning into my God-given technology. While I have been practicing mindfulness for years, the informal practice got significantly stronger. The down days seemed slower. More conscious. More responsive and less reactive. I wanted more of THAT. I craved it.

MINDFULNESS

As as meditation and yoga teacher, sitting on a cushion or finding a quiet place to create stillness and observe my thoughts was easy. I could carve that out. It was the informal practice that I was building. I started noticing that things were doing in our daily life had gone missing and helped make time feel slower. Meditation, walking, meal preparation, ecotherapy, gratitude and finding your rhythm.

    MEALS TOGETHER

    We got back to making our dinners together. We even recently assigned all three kids to their own night. We all join in the kitchen for prep, with the head chef guiding us. Music and laughing as we prepare our meals. Other nights it is just a quiet focus on our job at hand. The time together is priceless and makes for more enjoyable mealtime.

    WALKS

    As a couple, we take daily walks with our dogs. Sometimes they are silent. Sometimes we talk about our day. Just the act of being outside and walking is a reconnect with our inner nature. Many times, our kids will come with us.

FAMILY NIGHTS + MEETINGS

One of our non-negotiables is family night. We play together — volleyball, basketball, swimming, or board games. We just spent the night doing something together and most of the time it is physical. A good friend and family therapist suggested we institute a marriage meeting and a family meeting too. Our meetings have time limits, we come to the table with things to discuss, we plan our schedule for the week, we talk about chores and house projects. It keeps us all on the same page and the same team. 

    GRATITUDE

    Every morning, before I even get out of bed, I fold my hands and say a quick list of things     for which I am grateful. And every Friday, Kevin and I both spend time sharing our “Five Things Friday” online to help encourage others to outline their “best of” from the week. It’s a practice of reframing and helping everyone focus on what we have that is going well, even if things are hard. 

    GARDENING

    Last year, I had the intention to grow things. I had never learned though my grandparents were excellent gardeners. They managed a massive garden and small fruit orchard that my parents had built. As a kid, some of my favorite memories were of eating food right off the vine, bush or tree. 

    I wanted to connect to that again. So I started with simple plants in the house. Giving my attention to them and listening to their needs — more light, less water, fertilizer? Once we got comfortable there, I adopted my mother’s plants. Living? Check. Then we went bigger, and recently turned our attention outside. What is so thrilling to me is that my kids have been so involved. My daughter has been instrumental in helping bring songbirds to our back yard and it is beautiful to watch and listen to them. We are in the process of building a raised bed for our regular veggies. It’s felt good to sit outside. To have a space and sanctuary that we created that is really starting to fill in. And to be a part of something.

   
RHYTHMS

All of this sounds good I am sure, but I still have to work. Giving myself space meant I could figure out my most productive times. I have always woke early enough for my “non-negotiables” — tea, meditation, news. Somedays I have to be at work at 8:30A and somedays 6:30A. My schedule isn’t conventional but finding a rhythm means that I go with the flow more. I don’t feel rushed. And yes, organization comes in to play here but so does consistency. Less time in the closet, in the bathroom and on the phone. It will leave you with more time over all. 

Most mornings, I’ll start a load of laundry while we prep the kids for school. I do a “braindump” on my current situation between 9-11A that helps me figure out what’s important for the day. I might prep for a class, practice yoga, meet with a client or business partner. But my fluid day is structured to end right at 330P when I pickup my first kid from school. 

And we finish our last walk around 9P and unwind for bed on most nights. Sleep in our house, is also a non-negotiable.

Everyone’s rhythm will be different and it changes like the seasons. I truly believe that when we connect to nature, we find our natural living rhythm and it can be slow and conscious. 

HOME CAN BE SLOW
We cannot control the pace around us, but we can control our response to it. Our life is still a work in progress, it’s still busy and our work can be demanding outside of the house, and all of this will forever be changing but I find so much space at home in leaning into the things I love and am meant to do. May this inspire you to let go of the notion of balance, having it all, and life in the fast lane. Here’s to slow.

xo
m

PS- Let me know if you are interested in more. I can show you how I organized areas, weeded down my wardrobe, my meditation space and more.

Our Camp at Rocky Mountain National Park.

Top of the World, Colorado Springs

Family dinners around here is all hands on deck.

Mornings (and other times of the day) spent here.

Lucie embraces slow living… and naps.

A moment of sibling revelry just cracking each other up.

Thoracic Mobility: The Cage vs The Spring

I have been working with a client to increase the movement around the thoracic spine - generally from base of the neck to the bottom of the ribs. A comment about her hurt in life and the efforts and care she dotes on others got me thinking about the heart. And it got me thinking about the amazing network of bones around the heart. We call it a ribCAGE which denotes maybe this idea of a static and rigid framework around the most vital organs.

However, when we breathe fully (deep into the diaphragm) we have the sense of movement in the ribs. Most people though tend to breathe into the sternum and upper traps, which leads to a more rounded thoracic area (called kyphosis) and lends a sense of stiffness to this notion of the ribs as a cage. When we rotate, our pelvis moves in opposing directions and when they work together, the two are our prime movers in our overall movement. Even the joints where the ribs meet the spine are more moveable and house receptors for communication with the brain.

So here’s the thing: our ribCAGE is actually is more like a spring. It’s resilient, able to bend and move and return back to it’s form. And the same is true for the emotions that we feel under the spring. We experience heartache and we recover — we bounce back. Or we don’t and our posture perhaps shows it and our the cage does truly become more hard and rigid. Also a good reminder that we should give love as well as receive. It is interesting to note that in a heart attack, our ribs will move 2” to give first responders an opportunity to resuscitate us. But the movement has its limitations.

While not large we have mobility in the thoracic spine — rotation, lateral and some extension and flexion. I find that the ability to backbend improves as you improve rotation and axial extension (that sense of lengthening the spine). We have this resilient network of bone and cartilage that protects our heart from the outside world all while having the ability to be expansive and more mobile than we might think. And maybe on an emotional level, we can remember that there are lots of ways to open ourselves up to love, but the first is to start within.

Fall Seasonal Symmetry Course, November 17

It’s like a girlfriend’s night in. Wear your comfy clothes, circle up and drink tea. Let’s nourish our souls with the talk of self-care and how to balance our mind, body and spirit in the seasonal times of transition.

Each attendee will receive a survival gift kit to help them at home. Sign up today for the course. Live out of state? Join the newsletter at megankearneymovement.com and order the kit directly to your home!

Understanding Traditional Chinese Medicine + the Earth Element

Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) is an ancient practice that supports health and wellness, and believes in harmony between the opposing complementary forces of yin and yang. TCM also believes that the human body is a microcosm of the expansive universe around us. The five elements that appear in nature (fire, earth, wood, metal and water) also appear within us and represent all manners of life and explain the function of the body and how it changes during dis-ease. In TCM, disease is a result of a imbalance between yin and yang, and fluctuation of energy within the five elements. This vital energy that flows through the body is known as qi (CHI) and performs multiple functions in the body and helps maintain health. 

Each season corresponds with an element, just as we have different seasons in our own lives. The transitional time between summer and fall is known as late summer or the earth element. It is comprised of two meridians — stomach (yang) and spleen (yin). 

The earth meridians govern the muscle as it relates to our sense of strength and stamina. The stomach meridian travels from just below the eye through the front of our body, down through our quads and across the top of our feet to the second toe. It is tied to the action of seeing our goal in front of us and using those leg muscles to move us forward towards it, grab it, and draw it into our being. At times of imbalance, we can become "stuck in the mud” and not possess the inability to move forward in life.

10 Keys to Balance in Late Summer

The earth element is the archetypal mother figure. In balance, she is nurturing, supportive and balanced. Out of balance, she is overburden, heavy with worry and unable to create boundaries for her own self-care.

Here are 10 keys to balancing this seasonal influx and creating ease in the body.

1. Replace worry.
   Allot yourself a limited amount of time to focus on a specific problem. Then move forward with ways to overcome and action items to correct your course. Keep yourself focused on the present and gentle guide yourself away from thoughts about the future.

2. Exercise empathy and compassion
   Start with active listening. Bring to the conversation acceptance, trust, a beginner’s mind, patience, the ability to let go, detachment from a goal or fixing, and non-judgement.

3. Seek out activities that bring contentment
   Look to participate in activities that make you feel content. Being with friends, laughing, walking the park or painting a picture.

4. Altruism and service
   Participate in something for a higher purpose. Champion a cause within your community that helps the greater good.

5. Practice gratitude
   Try daily or morning gratitude practices or even just a simple one-sentence thank you to those things for which you are grateful. Join me on social media and try “FIVE THINGS FRIDAY” to establish a practice and grow the habit.

6. Practice self-care
   Every day, take time to care for yourself the way you would a loved one. Give yourself extra time in the morning to linger in the shower, or maybe draw a bath at night and light a candle. Make a list of things that feel like self-care and do those for yourself on the regular.

7. Enroll
   Join or establish a connection with others you enjoy. Join a book club, become a member of a church, or find a support group. Affiliation helps us feel like we are a part of the fabric of life.

8. Maintain good nutrition
   We will be talking more about food in the late summer, but be sure not to skip meals as it is hard on the spleen. Make eating a ceremony, taking time to make and savor your food.

9. Take care of your digestive system
   Allow yourself time for digestion, eat a full spectrum of foods that allow the body to take in nutrients, and be mindful of medications that might eradicate the healthy bio genome in your belly.

10. Commitment and security
    When we commit to a goal or to our life, we establish a firm foundation that helps us to feel stable and secure. Set some intentions, recommit to your family, friends and self, and create a strong stable roots.

Heading for An Emotional or Physical Landslide?

Signs your earth element is out of balance. These are just a few symptoms of earth element deficiency +/or stagnation:

• lack of motivation + fatigue 

• excessive worrying + overthinking

• foggy thinking + trouble concentrating

• lessening or lack of an appetite

• changes in bowel movements

• flabby muscle tone

• easily bruising + slow wound healing

• sense of anxiety

• sense of heaviness in the body

• difficulty losing weight

• gas and bloating